| Media |
[Mar. 12th, 2009|02:26 pm] |
Hampton Roads Magazine Did a article on scooting to work. If you are in the Hampton Roads area you can get it at almost any mega-book store or grocery checkouts. They did an interview with me and some others. As a bonus there is a picture of me looking disheveled. They only screwed up my name one time. Which is much better than average. :)
Edited: decided to include recent pic of self for those not able to get the magazine. When I was younger, under weight and had long hair I could put on a suit and look like Lazlo Hollyfeld. Now I weigh what I should, have short hair and if I don't shave for 3 days I look like Wolverine if I put on a leather jacket. Life is funny that way.
When roommate took this picture and the others from the same set she said that it seemed impossible to stop camera from focusing on package. I had no idea that cameras had gender identity preferences.
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| luck |
[Sep. 21st, 2008|03:53 am] |
Some sober woman backed into my scooter while she drove over a curb. Nothing more than cosmetic damage.
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On the way home today I found a parked scooter and a guy sitting against a chain-link fence. He was toasted. I smoked a smoke and ate some cheese and talked to him a bit. Then guided him to his house and made sure he didn't become road ooze. My good deed for the day.
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I got home today and found a package. It had an 80 gig iPod in it. I won it at work and didn't expect to get it for another 3 weeks. Anyone want to buy an iPod? |
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| points of fact |
[Aug. 4th, 2008|07:35 pm] |
Someone pointed this site out to me because I ride a scooter.
As accurate as that post is it ignores some key points.
1) Serena Williams isn't the only tennis star that will blow you for
riding a scooter. Anna Kournikova and Andre Agassi will too.
2) Its not that moped riders are pedophiles (attracted to kids) its
that kids are attracted to moped riders (scootophiles)
3) The uncut hair just adds to our awesome sexuality.
In short scooter riders get lots of offers for sex. Partly its the
scooter, partly it is that we have lots of money to spend because we
aren't paying more than $20 a month for transportation. |
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| One part at a time, |
[Jul. 10th, 2008|10:29 pm] |
I had a suck horn in my scooter. It was about 125 decibels but it was a meep-please-don't-hit-me noise and I wanted something more. So I went down to Pepboys and got myself a Low E horn. I took off the leg gaurd of my scooter and unpluged the stock horn and plugged in the new one. I put in the key and hit the button. It worked. So I mounted it on and then tried to put the leg gaurd on again. It didn't work. The horn was too big. So I unmounted it and found an area where it could fit if it wasn't mounted. I managed to get the leg gaurd back on with just enough tension to keep it in place through a rocky ride.
Now instead of meep-please-don't-hit-me it is a 132 decibel BARR-get-the-fuck-out-of-my-lane.
If you have the means, I highly recomend picking one up.
-- Ferris Bueller's Day Off |
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| Owning a scooter to save money |
[Feb. 3rd, 2008|10:28 pm] |
* If it is 49cc or smaller you
** don't need license
** don't need registration
** don't need insurance
** don't need tags or a plate
** only spend $3 a week on gas
** can do your own repairs[0]
** will avoid large impulse buys since you won't be able to put them in the trunk
When buying a scooter don't skimp. Don't buy a no name brand. Avoid Chinese scooters because you may never find parts and the parts will break. Get a name brand like Honda, Yamaha or Vespa. They can cost 2-3 times as much but are well worth it in the long run. Scooters are a classic example of you get what you pay for.
Make sure the scooter you get is liquid cooled and goes at least 30MPH.
If you really need to use a car once in a while when you only have a scooter then the cost of a taxi once in a while won't hurt you. Or ask a friend, its even cheaper.
[0] I just rebuilt my engine. Saved myself $500 in labor. |
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| knot |
[Jan. 27th, 2008|08:07 pm] |
--
Last night own at poker. I am once again tied for first place for overall number of wins.
I finished rebuilding my scooter today. I haven't felt this manly since the first time I walked into the tool department at a Sears and got an adrenaline rush. Only two left over parts which I have it on good authority is a remarkably low number. I am back on the road.
I could never have done this without the help of our landlord. The unit under ours has been empty and awaiting remodeling. He let me use one of the bed rooms for the rebuild. Free of charge. It took almost three months to tear down the scooter because I didn't have all the right tools and had to wait till I could afford them. It only took me about 10 man hours to put it all back together.
Once I finally did get it back together I did run into one problem. I was idling at 17 miles per hour. But I was able to fix that with just two adjustments and now it is running the way it was before I broke it. I am one happy camper. |
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| New Scooter |
[Oct. 3rd, 2007|09:54 pm] |
So a month ago I busted my scooter. Repairs were going to be between $500-$700. I saved my pennies and when I hit the $500 mark 5824 found a used SunL scooter that had been run over by a car and was only $500. I think the MPH readout us busted but I am easily hitting 33 MPH but I haven't calibrated it to see if I am actually hitting the 40 MPH it says I am. If you are going fast and you firmly apply the front break that it makes a noise that sounds like a wounded walrus. When starting it up it sounds like a wounded yak.
Did I mention it had been run over by a car and that it was only $500 with 2700 miles on it?
Our parking space is starting to get a little crowded with the three scooters parked there. |
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| debunking |
[Mar. 1st, 2007|11:22 pm] |
I have gotten so cynical of myself as of late that I have started debunking my own assumptions.
I never learned to drive so didn't have much use for figuring out how all of the infrastructure of driving works. I always figured that those street sensors near traffic lights were pressure based but I knew that couldn't be right because there were too many was for that to go wrong given the poor condition of so many of them, though it perfectly explained why small vehicles didn't register on them.
Now I find myself driving around all over the place since I got my scooter and finally needed to learn how they really worked.
So now that the internet has finally become the Information Super Highway that we were told it would one day be I decided to look it up. 'wiki street lights' was the search string I used because I couldn't think of what those sensor things were and I figured that starting at street lights would get me in the right direction. Sure enough it did.
As a result I know that it isn't anything to do with weight or pressure. Those things are giant ass metal detectors. And know that I know how they work I just need to find a way to wrap a few thousand feet of copper wire around a nice sized iron rod and hook it (with an on off switch) too the alternator on my scooter. Good thing I don't have any metal fillings or steal plates in my body.
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Survey: I haven't been posting much in the way of ascii art lately but I have been posting more of my ramblings. How may of you think I should just shut up and post more art? |
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| Another scooter |
[Feb. 20th, 2007|08:11 pm] |
Just bought another scooter. 5824 is getting the old (one month) scooter and I am getting the new one. This one is also a Honda Metro II but is a 2005 instead of a 2004.
Now the two of us can scoot around town and annoy twice as many people.
Just a bit of advice. When passing a scooter or other small slow moving auto do yourself and them a favor and change lanes completely when passing. If you are in the same lane as them while passing you are trying to violate the law of physics which says "Two objects can't occupy the same space at the same time" which, contrary to popular opinion, is the number one cause of accidents, not speeding.
Now I just need to remove that pesky speed governor. |
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| Life post |
[Jan. 7th, 2007|07:37 pm] |
Last night I did something that will change my life.
I got a scooter. At the age of 32 I own my own set of wheels. No license required and still street legal. The specs:
2004 Honda Metropolitan
Used for $1200 cash
49 cc engine.
~90 Miles per Gallon
23 Miles per hour is the top speed.
White with blue and white flowers[0].
Storage rack and Truck included ($200 value).
~$80 a year for insurance (optional)
~$0 a year for smog checks.
~$70 for registration (optional)
~$10 for personal plates. PILLER? FAUX? F0? F0SUD0?
Stock photo:
Today I took it out and learned to drive it. No more buses (unless it is raining), no more 5 mile walks and when I am passing by someplace I am just discovering I can stop without having to add an hour to my trip to account for bus scheduals. Joy.
I did some test runs on the way to work to see what side streets I could take but it turns out that the main blvd is actually safer than the side streets. No joy.
I was medically barred from getting a license when I turned 16 because I had a bad heart and the DMV was afraid that I would stand up in a car and pass out. Apparently the government thinks that people like to stand up in their cars. So I have spent the last 16 years building my life around not having a car. As a result I live within 6 miles of work and 2 miles within most of the other things I need and always have looked for that kind of set up whenever I moved or changed jobs.
I was going to get a 2005 off the showroom floor but they turned me down for credit. Which wasn't a suprise. When you have never had a drivers license you never need to get a car lone and so the number one way of building credit remains elusive. So I saved up planning to pay $2000 cash for it but 5824 found this used one and I jumped on it. I paid $800 of it and she paid $500 which I should be able to get back to her shortly now that I have my W2.
On Thursday I am going to get a proper motorcycle jacket. Some day soon I will need to get lots of paint. Paint for the scooter to get rid of the gay flowers. Paint for the helmet so I can decorate it. Paint for the jacket so that it can have something on the back. I am thinking about getting sticker for the back of it that says "Top Speed 23 MPH" in an attempt to save my life from people who want to ride my non-existent bumper.
Naming scheme for hamsters: Whatever is in the news that day. Current hamsters include Bahrain and James Brown (he is black and he is proud). 5824 named the others sugar and brown. Sugar looks like a sugar glider because of her dark contrasting lines. Brown is ... brown.
Naming scheme for cats: Coloration matched with historical bits. Former cats have included: Windsor, Rommel, Leviticus, Octavious etc.
Naming scheme for computers: words that mean fake in other languages. I have had faux, psuedo, proxy, fugazi, betrug, mentiroso, facsimlie, and a router named unreal.
So now I have to name the scooter. Tradition holds that a man is supposed to name his bike after a woman. My first computer was Jolene before it was faux because X2of3 was afraid Jolene was going to take her man. She may have been more right then she new. At this time however I haven't got a naming scheme for bikes. What do you call a woman who is slow, efficient spends all her time in between your legs and and only three feet tall?
We went through a lot of options that might be nice to add on at some
point in the future:
1) Nitrous
2) rocket launcher
3) machine guns
4) 10 foot CB antenna
5) LED message board hooked up to bluetooth phone, "Get off my tail"
6) Mini fridge under the seat. Perfect for a mini keg.
7) TRON like glow in the dark pin-stripping on all the contours via Electroluminescent wire.
8) Cold cathode for ground lighting.
9) XM radio / GPS
10) Bluetooth helmet
11) Bull horn
12) Ejection seat or Air Bag
13) 160,000 CP spotlight
14) Flux Capacitor
15) Mr Fusion
16) Snow tires
17) rotating license plate
18) Hologram cover for licence plate to fool cameras
19) Hydraulics
20) mounted/inbeded PSP/DS
21) Bucket Seats
22) Mini chemistry lab
23) Cigarette lighter
24) Guitar Amp
25) trailer
26) Treo Docking Station
27) diesel engine[1]
28) Jet engine (See bottem of page)
29) Diamond plate the foot deck
30) Convert the engine to run on ethanol[2]
31) radar detector
32) oil slick/jacks flak dispenser
While trying to find links for the above I noticed that when using the google search box in firefox typing "sc" as the start of scooter caused it to suggest Scarlett Keegan. This is a suggestion worth checking out if you ever wanted to see what a Tori Amos spread in playboy might look like. Use the images search in place of the normal google search. For more playboy models like her check out Heather Christensen and Heather Carolin as well.
I look forward to holding you up in traffic real soon.
[0] when a friend saw it he said, with the straightest face he could muster, "It is going to take a lot of work to turn those flowers into skulls."
[1] Someone told me it couldn't be done but they are full of it. The worlds smallest one ever made is about the size of a penny and there are 4.2-6.0 HP ones out there which is the range I would need.
[2] but only if 200 proof ethanol drops below the price of 86 octane. The last year and a half this hasn't been the case though. |
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